Baby steps

I told him today that I needed space for me. That it was confusing me talking to him because we have a really good time part of the time and the other part I just feel absolutely awful. I need to take care of myself. I need to do this for me. Take this control to focus on myself and healing. It has been like scratching a scab so often it never heals. I need it to heal so I know what I really want in all of this.

Right now I have no clue. I love him and I know he loves me but the pain is so deep and raw I'm not sure how we can ever come back together.

In other news he also mentioned going out for brunch today. I did not inquire more details. For me that is a win. I don't want to hear it. Even that hurts me.

Also he told me he played basketball today randomly. That made me happy for him. That is also progress. 

And I ran 13.1 miles today. It was hard. But next week I have to do 19. Ahh.